It’s after 7pm and I’m supposed to be at a (board game) meetup for the first time, only two blocks from where I live. This is something I signed up for over a month ago, but I’m stitting here instead.
I’ve had a feeling for a few days that I wouldn’t go, and maybe that way of thinking is what set this in motion (or non-motion). I’m a classic over-thinker when it comes to these kinds of situations. What do I do, just show up? What if no one talks to me? What if the people who talk to me are weird? What if they think I’m weird? Add onto that the fact that I’ve been feeling low for a couple days, and it was a pretty easy decision (or non-decision) to make. It’s so draining lately for me to just make small talk with people I know, and to try to do the same with strangers, even when the group is probably largely made up of first-timers? Well, I wasn’t up for it. I don’t know how to get out of this place I’m in, but I didn’t think doing something outside of my comfort zone was the right course for right now. The idea of it sounds just as enticing as babysitting four-year-old triplets dying to be entertained: overwhelming and exhausting.
I know I need to get past this feeling. As a normally social person, I know I need that kind of outlet, but today wasn’t the day. I’m going to a birthday party on Saturday (also game-centric) where I’ll know at least a couple people, so maybe that can make up for missing this?